Tales of the legendary मासी

All those who have not checked the blog the last week- I say good for you because I did not update it. It was not for lack of things to share, I might add. Quite the opposite really.

So this blog post will be very long indeed and I will have to do it two parts like the final Harry Potter movie.

Let's call Part#1 Mona and the 5-day breeze from Doha. No, that does not sound right. OK let's call Part#1 Part#1.
In Part#1, I will tell you about the 5-day visit of Monu's Arti मासी. Arti मासी is a brilliant पिंडी मुटियार from the by-lanes of प्रेम नगर in Dehradun who went on to SRCC in Delhi and grew from the proverbial pillar to the proverbial post. She now holds a British passport and lives in Doha with her family, where she teaches English to Qatari policemen. Monu and I have grown up listening to tales of this legendary मासी who taught other students while she was still in college and whose wardrobe then consisted of a few खादी कुरते and plain-white सलवार. I did emulate her briefly when I was in class six or seven and though I did sport the खादी कुरते and white सलवार look for a while, I never quite managed to convince my classmates to drop their respective extra tuition and take lessons from me instead. Not even when I promised a chocolate per lesson.

So the legendary मासी is an awe-inspiring figure to say the least, and the best part about her is that while she speaks immaculate, polished English like it were her mother-tongue, she will- at a moment's notice- switch back to the पिंडी मुटियार from the by-lanes of प्रेम नगर and say something incredibly funny in ठेठ पंजाबी, causing the rest of us to breaks into guffaws and causing चाचा to giggle like a school girl.

However, I recall that the legendary मासी caused Monu and me much grief in our growing years because we could never measure up to her awesome ways. And as I found out during her recent visit, the legendary मासी continues to cause us much grief by her immaculate habits of cleaning everything and putting everything back in place. See, when it is just Monu and me, we do hear a little grumbling now and then from चाची but we are able to comfortably ignore it and go about living like the slobs we are. Now I have noticed that मासीs in general are liked by mothers and चाचीs so it is always trouble to have a मासी around. This time, however we have THE LEGENDARY मासी who cooks, cleans (and not just the kitchen), transfers the left-over food into smaller containers, puts a cling-film over everything, packs Monu's wedding gifts in unbelievably beautiful pink-and-gold wrappings, complete with little golden flowers on top, writes names of people on the wedding-invitation cards (the stickers did not really happen) and goes with चाची to people's homes to give the invitations WHILE AT THE SAME TIME chatting and entertaining everybody with ready replies and really witty comments.

Look at this:



SHE ALSO GOT A CD OF TRADITIONAL पंजाबी songs (including but not limited to मत्थे ते चमकण वाल, लट्ठे दी चादर and बोलियाँ). [THE WRITER WAILS BECAUSE THE WRITER DID NOT THINK OF THIS FIRST AND ALSO BECAUSE THE WRITER CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY THE WRITER IS REFERRING TO SELF AS 'THE WRITER']

Yeah she makes us look like miserable wretches of the mud.

But boy, did we have a fantastic time in the five days that she was here! YES WE DID INDEED! There was shopping, there were about one year's worth of conversations (mostly gossip) and the best part was that there was about one year's worth of चाचा's leg-pulling to do. I was absolutely delighted about the last bit! See Arti मासी shares a very close bond with her दीदी and I have come to realize that a natural extension of this close-bond is to show affection for दीदी's husband (a.k.a. चाचा) by pulling his leg at every conceivable opportunity. So I do it, Monu does it, Sonu does it, Ram Bhai does it. But when THE LEGENDARY मासी does it, it is totally epic.

It is sad that the legendary मासी had to leave and will in all probability not attend the wedding but we really had a very wedding-like fun time while she was here. When she left, we were all quite heartbroken. By we, I also mean Seema. She did not feel like making रोटीs and was quite convinced we would not feel like eating food after मासी left. It was only with a lot of efforts that we managed to convince her otherwise.

But after that one day of sitting around in gloomy silence, occasionally broken by the "Arti मासी said this..." and "Arti मासी said that...", we geared up for the arrival of Junior दादी-and-फूफा. That is Part#2, which we shall call Part#2.

Meanwhile, here are a few photos from the visit of the legendary मासी:

While she was working...


... the rest of us sat like this...


...or posed like this...


... and like this.



Soma did work but since she does not like her pictures taken and wants to be fairer than she is now, I have devised this excellent method of granting both her wishes.


Who is the fairy Godmother, eh!

PS- If you are wondering what is in the lovely gift packages, कुछ fancy नहीं है, बाल्टी- मग्गे, बर्तन हैं.