Part#2- Incoming Junior Dadi and फूफा

Before I begin this write-up, let me announce that our next post may be an exclusive interview with Rads, the original bride who made this blog happen. She is back in town and if I can get her to talk to me AND IF she is slightly interesting, I will run the interview here. Watch this space.
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Our last post ended with the arrival of Junior Dadi and फूफा. Junior Dadi is actually my बुआ and the oldest of the senior Kakkar siblings. She is 13 years older than चाचा and her husband, our much-loved फूफा likes to tell the story of how चाचा would be roaming around without any pants on, during बुआ's and फूफा's wedding.

Here at home, we often talk about, and miss दादी. She really wanted watch all her grandkids get married and dance in each one of the weddings! This time, when बुआ जी arrived in Dehradun after a very long time, we saw her and the same thought crossed our minds simultaneously- she is exactly like दादी! Protective in her ways, incredibly loving yet at the same time a force to reckon with. Already since her arrival, she has snubbed Sonu and myself at an average rate of 5 times everyday and we are now quieter for it! The thing we love most about her though- she has this incredible tinker-bell laughter that is ridiculously infectious. So she has been re-christened Junior Dadi.

Our फूफा came as the senior-most दामाद of the house and in a family that will ask the Gods to wait if there is a दामाद in the picture at the same moment, THAT is saying something! However, he has been converted into something of a driver these past few days, and is especially almost a personal chauffeur to our younger बुआ.

फूफा is actually an alien term to us siblings because since as long back as we can remember, we call him अच्छु or अन्खुं- a name, we believe was given to him by Ram Bhai.

With the arrival of Junior Dadi and अन्खुं, NOW we are really a शादी house- bustling always, chit chat चटर all the time and Oh-My-God a gazillion gallons of चाय daily.

The शादी phase also means a time of many बेज़तीs and one has to be prepared at all times for sharp comments from any which side. It also means a time for a lot of bloody nagging, especially if you are 26, have three tattoos, have streaks of red in your hair, haven't declared a potential love interest that you can be hitched to AND are overweight. This time, I was prepared.

And then I learnt you can never be prepared enough.

I will provide bullet points for incidents that have happened in the nagging-o-sphere-

1. Junior Dadi insisted that I eat something off of Monu's plate so that I am next to get married. This has reinforced my belief that marriage is, in fact a contagious disease.

2. चाचा has taken to dreaming of a गोला-जेया little man who would be a perfect match for his गोली- जेई भत्रेइयि (भतीजी). So if you spot a गोला-जेया little man during the wedding, do send him my way. :/

3. Monu came running to me the other day and thrust that day's edition of HT City in my hand. The front page featured a picture of Aishwariya Rai in a salwar-kameez and Monu insisted I must get a similar design stitched for the wedding. Apparently, ideas for clothes that will look gorgeous on me come from women who are 8-months pregnant. :/

4. And this is the most interesting and unexpected incident. A few days back, a young man from a जागरण-टोली came to our house to ask for money for an overnight कीर्तन. As is the practice, he had an entire page of fake-ass donations scrawled in the same handwriting ranging from fake-ass rupees 101/- to fake-ass rupees 501/-. The idea is to show to the donor that others before him/her have given so much money and almost shaming him/her to pay the same amount. It did work initially but now everybody knows the trick so the fake-जागरण people only get rupees 11, which I think is not bad at all.
Moving on then, the young man thrusted the notebook in my hand and asked for donation and as part of my rehearsed act, I said to him that he should come back in the evening because "Papa, Mummy are not at home". I was aware of the clear sound of Junior Dadi talking over the phone coming from within the house and the clearer image of अन्खुं dozing on a chair under the sun right behind where the fake-जागरण man stood but I still delivered my lines with perfect innocence.

The fake-जागरण man persisted and said it would not be possible for him to return in the evening so would I give him any money I may have. I said of course, and I was quite pleased that my act was working so well, despite the now-snoring अन्खुं who should have ruined my story. I waddle indoors and waddle out with a crisp tenner and a one-rupee coin in my hand.

That's when the man delivered what I still maintain was an unnecessary line. He says "थोड़े और पैसे दे देते" and I said we won't be able to attend the fake-ass जागरण because it is fake-ass and also because my sister is getting married. To this he said "कोई नहीं, हम आपके लिए भी जय कारा बोलेंगे, आप भी हमारी लाडो हो". Then he asks me if I am पंजाबी and I say yes. He looks up and down and says "हाँ आप पंजाबी लगते भी हो".

OBJECTION YOUR HONOUR, that was uncalled for!! So I curtly put back the ten rupee note in my pocket, hand him the one-rupee coin and waddle back to my kingdom.

See what I meant by you cannot be prepared enough?