Because one cannot burp

One may think that by not getting entangled in the matrimonial web, one would be able to steer clear of awkward dinners and such meetings with unfamiliar folks of the spouse's family. One would soon realize that one has been terribly wrong to make this assumption.

Ever since the wretched siblings of mine have turned on me, switched sides and embraced the famed matrimonial bliss, I find myself in the midst of such dinners and parties, smiling ज़बरदस्ती as I desperately try to recall the name of the sibling's spouse's brother's wife's nephew. Not a happy place.

This is not in any way meant to be taken as a reflection on the respective families of the spouses of the siblings. They are all lovely people and I am always very happy to meet them (briefly). See, I find myself unable to relate to the societal norms that are followed during a dinner or time-out with people in general. Which is a way of saying I don't know what to say when there are a bunch of people sitting around a table (or standing randomly for that matter). Take the example of Sunil Uncle who is a relative of ours in some way and who owns a guest house in our area. Last year, he decided to throw a party on new year's eve at this guest house and he calls Chacha and says EVERYBODY must attend. Chacha says, of course and thinks nothing about it because there cannot be a Punjabi party where EVERYBODY is not invited to attend.

Now my New Year plans are always the same- wave the rest of the family goodbye and then prop myself down before the TV to watch movies while eating unhealthy food and attending calls from drunk friends. This time, it turns out Sunil Uncle was serious when he said EVERYBODY must attend. Chacha was feeling very proud as he walked into the party because I am told that my anti-social antics are bequeaths of my Dad and my Chacha and so HIS accepting an invitation without any drama is actually a feat. Chacha struts into the Guest House but finds Sunil Uncle blocking the entrance. "Where is Shweta?" he says and continues to block Chacha's entrance for a while. Let us cut the long story of how he harassed all of us about my absence short by stating that my potentially very (happily) solitary New Year's eve was marred by incessant phone calls from a drunken Sunil Uncle whose party, for some inexplicable reason was ruined because "साड्डे बच्चे सान्नू घास नि डालदे ने". Let me point out here that until very recently, Sunil Uncle did not know I existed.

But we digress.

The reasons that I avoid such formal settings begin from not being able to scratch or burp but do not end just there (For example, why can I not sit चौक्ढ़ी मार के without getting stern warning glances from my family members?). And when the 'people in general' is replaced with सम्धि family, the pressure to entertain and please is too much to bear.

So my happy plans about the added perks of not getting married, i.e. not having to deal with strangers who are suddenly your family all seemed to disappear like those Death Eaters in the Harry Potter movies do, as soon as my siblings began to get hitched. Life, good friends of mine is not easy. And life, good friends of mine is especially not easy when they don't let you wear a t-shirt and pair of shorts to a dinner. Because life, good friends of mine cannot be easy when you are squirming uncomfortably in fancy clothes and burping silently inside your own mouth.

The most unimaginable thing, however is that nobody seems to understand my very logical grumbling.