An extremely self-obsessed post

I often crib about how this blog is very limited in terms of scope of the subject. So tonight I figured let me change that and not write about weddings. Actually this post could also be about wedding among other things. See, writing about our social customs and way of living and making fun of it, is all well and good but all this while what I have really been trying to do is find out why. Why do we live the way we do? Why do we follow this path of school-college-job-marriage-kids-and-some-more? And I do not mean to accept answers like that is how it is or because we need somebody to make our lives meaningful. Something real. Something with sense. Something that will make me go "Oh, like that. Hmmm". :\ The only way I have lived my life is outside of the systems and the fed-up parent says every now and then that I need to pull up my socks, face life as it really is and jump into the fray. This is when I ask, "But why?" And I don't understand the reasons given to me. Why do you work, for instance? To do things that you like to do. Well, how do you decide what it is that you like when you are holding a degree in something that you have spent considerably money obtaining, and in which you enrolled because you happened to have the marks for it. Maybe you thought you wanted to become somebody but how do you decide it? If you are brought up being told that once you cross a certain age, you do inevitably get married, where is your choice in the matter save for maybe the choice of who you marry? If you are brought up in a certain environment where you are exposed to things of comfort to the extent that your dependency on them makes it impossible for you to explore a lifestyle without these comforts, what choice of a lifestyle do you really have? But constantly questioning everything without a clue to the answer has its cons too. Invariably you end up questioning yourself. So maybe I am not supposed to do anything big and great that I often dream I will do. Maybe I am meant to keep looking for answers. Hell maybe I am not a third of the substance and talent that I imagine I have. Maybe it is all a farce and without the focus and faith in the way we live in this society and world, the few genuine talents that I may have will be flushed down some useless path or another. Who knows. Who is to say. But the thing is, I look around me and I see people who were in the same state of confusion have figured it all out. Almost. They are on their way to defining or have already defined who they are. Some have made their own paths to do what they are truly passionate about while others have exchanged passion for a nice, fat paycheck but it all boils down to the fact that they believe in something. I find myself still stuck at that same place as I was as a teenager where I am still trying to see some sense in the world. Not good! Anyhue, the world will reveal itself to me when it will. In the meantime, I have an announcement to make. In two weeks, I return to Dehradun at the heart of the wedding venue to report live from the field, so as to speak. I shall give all updates about the shopping, decorations, preparations, discussions and so forth in the final trimester before the wedding. So until then, I shall take a breather and not blog until the next week. Unless of course I get really bored and then the only thing left to do is sit and write. Until the next time then! :)